Is your perfect mate really perfect for you?

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I've been reading a lot of posts on social media lately where men and women alike are complaining about their other halves. Some of their arguments are pretty ugly regarding really bad behaviors. I'm not an expert on fixing people or relationships, but lately, I've been helping a lot of people learn how to make better choices before jumping right into the next one.

Let's begin with this first aha moment:

Anyone who's gone through a devastating break-up has got to know that being in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean you can or should live with them.

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So if we all know this, why do we keep falling in love with the wrong kind of person?


I think it's because...

...we all get so caught up with the chemistry of the connection, that we completely blow off any use of our brains and logic. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it?

But if you’re really honest with yourself, I’ll bet you can remember at least one time in your life, (or a maybe gazillion times) that you've done this. Am I right?

Business of Life Perfect Match Chemistry


So how do you avoid the heartbreak of a relationship gone bad?

You learn how to rely on your heart and your head. And the best way to do that is to make a checklist.

And you stick to it!

After all, if you don’t, you'll always get what you settle for. Which you already know, makes you miserable over and over again.

Yes, I know a “list” sounds so cold and impersonal. But wouldn’t it be nice if you could remember to avoid the annoying person that’s always loud and obnoxious for instance?


Have I got a checklist for you!

So! I’ve done all the work for you with this very cool worksheet that'll really get you thinking.

Janet M. Nast business of life skills the perfect match worksheet It doesn't focus on rainbows and unicorns or even your favorite colors and hobbies. But it does contain eleven categories of characteristics and behaviors that you should include in your checklist when you're dreaming up the perfect mate; the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.

And it contains a sample completed list that I created for myself. (Some things were private so I left them out, but you'll get the idea.)

This is the list that saved my life!

After going through three divorces with abusive men, I finally figured out I needed to do something different. Yes, some people would call me a slow learner, hahaha! But at least I finally got it right. And you can too! My fourth husband and I have been happily married since 2003 - Yay!

I sincerely wish you luck and happier days ahead!

Warmest regards,

Jan

Click on the PDF to get your FREE worksheet and get started on creating your own custom list.
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Am I the World’s Biggest Fool?

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Can Love Really Conquer All?

When we fall in love we all believe that "Love can conquer all." And that may be true when it comes to a lot of emotional situations and probably many of life's challenges.

HOWEVER...when it comes to finances, love always take a back seat to state laws governing marriage and divorce.

This article describes one woman's crazy experience in Florida. Where things get tricky for those of us who fall out of love occassionally, is every state has different laws regarding who gets what when it comes to dividing up property and money. So who's to say if this woman would be better off in say, Michigan or Texas? I don't know. Maybe you do...?

Read on...

Dear Quentin,

My husband and I have been together for 28-plus years, and married for three. We have lived in Florida for seven years. He now wants a divorce. I stayed home with our kids for six years, and the other years I held positions in retail while our kids were in school. We never lived near family so this was our agreement to make life work. I made around $30,000 a year during that time.

We got married three years ago when my husband was having health issues. He was concerned I may have problems accessing his pension, 401(k), Social Security, etc. Well, he is going to be fine. He’s feeling so fine that he now wants a divorce. He says I’m not entitled to any of his retirement, alimony, properties or assets because we have only been married for three years.

There are so many things to consider when you think about getting married...

A lot of situations may not cross your mind when you're just out of high school or college. Trust me, odds are good that you'll live a lot longer than that (into your 40's and 50's or probably longer) so you'll end up facing all kinds of things you never even dreamed of. That's when you'll get to see how different people and financial situations can change your way of thinking in heartbeat.

Sounds kind of scary and overwhelming, doesn't it? Just get prepared though, and you'll be fine. Your knowledge is your super power!

Click here to learn about some more of these critical Life After 18.

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How to Run More Effective Meetings

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Over my 40-year career, I’ve attended and facilitated many meetings, and none went more smoothly than the ones that were organized with an agenda and three key roles that I learned from my last employer. Here are some tips to make sure your meetings are as productive as possible:

Create an agenda

An effective agenda should include the following information:

  • A list of topics (agenda items)
  • The name of the person to lead the discussion for each topic
  • Any materials or information that each person is expected to prepare and present
  • The amount of time allowed for each topic — this prevents a meeting from running late, and it allows an appropriate amount of time for each topic to be discussed
  • The expected outcome of each discussion — stating an expected outcome of any discussion helps people to stay focused on a common goal and to not get side tracked or talk for the sake of talking

Here are a couple of agenda item examples:

  1. Create the initial task assignment list
  2. Hammer out the timeline for each task

The meeting facilitator or the person requesting the meeting should create the agenda. Ideally, both people would create it so that the topics can be prioritized by at least two of the meeting’s leaders.

Who creates the agenda is not critical so long as there is one and it is sent to all participants a few days before the meeting. This way, all participants have some time to prepare information that might be required of them for the meeting. In the very least, it will give everyone time to think of information they might be able to contribute to the discussion. Nothing wastes more time than someone showing up unprepared and then everyone having to sit around waiting for them to get their act together.

Specify these three roles for every meeting:

1. The Facilitator

This is the person who begins each meeting by reviewing the agenda and asking if there are any other topics that need to be discussed (if time permits).

He or she will then introduce each topic, the time allowed for each topic, the expected outcome, and then share any pertinent information that will get the discussion moving.

This is also the same person who keeps the discussion on topic. We’ve all been in meetings where someone makes a comment about a subject and it triggers a whole other side discussion between one or two people. This can very disruptive, and it’s a waste of everyone else’s time. The facilitator will be the one to stop the meeting and ask if this is another topic that needs to be added to the next meeting’s agenda, or possibly critical enough to be discussed here and now. In that case, he will decide if there is time to do so by rescheduling one of the other agenda items into the next meeting.

2. Time keeper

This person keeps things moving. He or she refers to a printed out copy of the agenda to watch the clock and then lets everyone know when they are running out of time for said topic. The timekeeper will work very closely with the facilitator in this role. He or she might need to say, “We have one minute left for this topic, would you like to continue this discussion, which might not leave us room for the last item on the agenda, or table it for the next meeting? (I’ve seen some timekeepers set alarms on their smartphones.)

3. Note taker

This person not only takes general notes on each topic discussion, but he or she keeps track of action items that come up, who they are assigned to, and the expected completion dates. At the end of the meeting, these notes should be typed up and emailed to each meeting participant. That way, everyone knows what is expected of them as a result of the meeting.

For those who were invited but couldn’t attend the meeting for whatever reason, the notes need to be emailed to them. That way, each person is aware of what happened while they were gone, and if a task was assigned to them, they have time to get it done. If the absent person expects to be out of commission for longer than anticipated by the team, they will also have the opportunity to let the meeting facilitator know, and then the task can be reassigned.

Sometimes, a meeting might not have enough attendees for each roll to be assigned to a different person. In that case, there should still always be a facilitator; and I’ve seen many facilitators perform all three roles. In my experience, when these roles were in place, every single meeting ran efficiently, decisions were made, tasks were assigned, and things got done — every single time. There was no wasting time on side subjects because the facilitators and timekeepers didn’t allow it. The people attending the meetings appreciated this structure, because they all knew it would not be another typical meeting where one person dominated the whole thing and everyone else lost interest.

Here’s hoping this information makes a difference for your next meeting.

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The Hard Truth About Marriage

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As an adult, you need to realize that marriage is a legally binding, financial business arrangement. You will be co-habitating, which means signing contracts together for either an apartment or a house. You might be getting joint bank accounts and joint credit cards. All these tasks involve legal and binding contracts or leases. Neither one of you can get out of any such agreement without the other’s cooperation.

That said, it is a really good idea for you and your other half to have some serious discussions about finances and make sure that you both agree on how household finances are to be handled. This discussion should cover decisions about paying bills, how much of your combined income is “disposable,” (aka, spending money), how much should be saved and for what.

You should also discuss whether you want to have kids, if you want to buy a house, and when to retire. This is not a complete list of things you should discuss with any potential spouse, but it should get you headed in the right direction. If you and your spouse-to-be don’t agree on these main topics, you should seriously consider not marrying that person.

When you have decided to get married, there are a few other things you must do: Some are legally required, some are not:

  • Prenuptial Agreement: Yes or No?
  • The Marriage License: Where, How Much and When?
  • To Have a Wedding, or Not: Who’s paying?
  • Will You Change Your Name?
  • Then Updating Your Social Security Card and Driver’s License: Yes or No?
  • Filing Taxes: Joint or Separate?
  • Rent or Buy, House or Apartment?

As you can see, there are a lot of things that will legally tie you together. A smart person will be aware of this before the engagement!

Divorce

I’d be remise in sharing information if I didn’t give some voice to the other, not so wonderful side of the coin: divorce. Going through a divorce is when you truly learn that a marriage is more than just chemistry and romance:

It’s a legally binding financial agreement.

Briefly, divorces can go one of two ways:

In a friendly divorce, or one where there’s really nothing (no real property, children or pets) to split between the two of you, you could just use a paralegal to assist with completing all the legal paperwork and filing it with the family courts.

Or -

In a nasty divorce where there’s a lot of fighting going on, I strongly suggest you consult a divorce lawyer in order to protect yourself and your finances.

In either situation, here are just a few things to consider:

  • A friendly or “amicable” divorce (in California) will take a minimum of six months from the minute you file the initial paperwork in family court.
  • In order to protect yourself financially, file for a legal separation immediately. This will cut your responsibility for any debt your spouse incurs during the divorce proceedings.
  • Make copies of all bank account statements and credit card statements. This will help both of you determine what debts (money owed) and assets (money and property owned) you share.
  • Close any joint credit cards as soon as possible. This will protect both of you from one spouse running up more debt just to upset the other.

Bottom line, a marriage is not something one should walk into without being aware of all the legal aspects of it. Put all the romance and chemistry aside for a day and really give these issues some serious thought. Here’s hoping you make the best decision for everyone involved!

Jan

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6 Basic Tasks for Moving

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Sometimes you just need a basic list, right? Well this is as basic as it gets!

  • Give thirty days’ notice to vacate current residence
  • Collect boxes and packing materials
  • Pack all of your belongings
  • Get all your utilities turned off in current location and on in new location
  • Submit a change of address to the U.S. Post Office
  • Arrange to transport your belongings from one place to the next

Give thirty days notice

Generally speaking, there will be a form that your landlord will require you fill out when you want to move. Get that form and be sure to read it over before you leave the office just in case you have questions. There’s nothing worse that getting hit with some sort of fine because you didn’t fill something out correctly and you missed that detail in the fine print.

Collect boxes and packing materials

The cheapest way to do this is to hit up a cashier at your local grocery or drug store. They can tell you when they get shipments and are usually happy to give away the boxes so they don’t have to break them down.

Pack all of your belongings

Do yourself a HUGE favor and label your boxes! I strongly suggest marking each box with the room name. There's nothing worse than getting into a new apartment and not being able to find the toilet paper!

Get all your utilities turned on/off

Much of this can be done online. Just be sure to call at least two weeks ahead of time, you never know if there’s a waiting list for the electric company. Cable and internet companies are the worst! If you can plan 3-4 weeks out, do it!

Submit a Change of Address

This can be done online or in person. I think online is easier but it will cost you a dollar or two, payable with a credit card. The Post Office prefers you give at least a week’s notice, but I like to do this two weeks out as well. Call me paranoid.

Arrange to transport all of your belongings

Seriously, think about how much stuff you have and decide if you need to rent a U-Haul truck/van or if you can just use a couple of pick-up trucks. Keep in mind that not all of your friends are just sitting around waiting for you to move so they can help.

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