I've been reading a lot of posts on social media lately where men and women alike are complaining about their other halves. Some of their arguments are pretty ugly regarding really bad behaviors. I'm not an expert on fixing people or relationships, but lately, I've been helping a lot of people learn how to make better choices before jumping right into the next one.
Let's begin with this first aha moment:
Anyone who's gone through a devastating break-up has got to know that being in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean you can or should live with them.
So if we all know this, why do we keep falling in love with the wrong kind of person?
I think it's because...
...we all get so caught up with the chemistry of the connection, that we completely blow off any use of our brains and logic. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it?
But if you’re really honest with yourself, I’ll bet you can remember at least one time in your life, (or a maybe gazillion times) that you've done this. Am I right?
So how do you avoid the heartbreak of a relationship gone bad?
You learn how to rely on your heart and your head. And the best way to do that is to make a checklist.
And you stick to it!
After all, if you don’t, you'll always get what you settle for. Which you already know, makes you miserable over and over again.
Yes, I know a “list” sounds so cold and impersonal. But wouldn’t it be nice if you could remember to avoid the annoying person that’s always loud and obnoxious for instance?
Have I got a checklist for you!
So! I’ve done all the work for you with this very cool worksheet that'll really get you thinking.
It doesn't focus on rainbows and unicorns or even your favorite colors and hobbies. But it does contain eleven categories of characteristics and behaviors that you should include in your checklist when you're dreaming up the perfect mate; the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.
And it contains a sample completed list that I created for myself. (Some things were private so I left them out, but you'll get the idea.)
This is the list that saved my life!
After going through three divorces with abusive men, I finally figured out I needed to do something different. Yes, some people would call me a slow learner, hahaha! But at least I finally got it right. And you can too! My fourth husband and I have been happily married since 2003 - Yay!
I sincerely wish you luck and happier days ahead!
Warmest regards,
Jan
Comments 2
I have to admit that I can’t really identify with this. My partner, Simon, and I, have been happily together for 40 years. We met in a gay pub ‘The Two Brewers’ in London in June 1983. We have never had a serious disagreement in all that time. I wish that I could ‘share’ the success of our relationship but I can’t. but would if I could. Richard
Author
You two are very fortunate that you made such a good choice right out of the gate. My parents did the same thing: they met ice skating on the Erie Canal in 1955 (New York) and got married 6 weeks later. These amazing matches are very rare from what I’ve seen and experienced personally over the last 50+ years.
My hope is that I can help just one person to avoid heartache by encouraging them to think with their head and heart when looking for a long term relationship.
God bless you and thank you very much for sharing your personal love story: I think everyone will agree, you can’t beat a happy ending.
Jan